Wife's Coming Out Shatters Husband Who's Left Behind

Dear Zazz: I was happily married for seven years. Then one day,my wife came home and stunned me by asking for a divorce.

Now, she has a lesbian lover. She's going out to gay bars,having fun, living the life she "was meant to live." Fine for her.But what about me?

Shouldn't she have "come out" before we got married?You write about how hard life can be for gay people, Zazz, butwhat about the straight people left behind?Overnight I went from being happily married to wondering: Whatdid I do wrong? And where do I go from here?LEFT BEHINDDear Left: If your wife absolutely knew she was a lesbian, thenshe should not have married you. But often, people figure out theirsexuality slowly and with great initial uncertainty.Your wife may have loved you deeply when she married you. Shemay have denied her attraction to women. But over time, as shematured, she came to realizations about herself.You are not responsible for her becoming a lesbian. And youdeserve someone who will be totally attracted to you. So even thoughit's painful, you have to accept and eventually welcome the divorce.In time, you won't be as bitter and you won't see yourself asleft behind because you'll be moving forward, finding a life and awoman who's right for you.Dear Zazz: A man wrote to you about winning $1,800 in a SuperBowl pool. He gave just $2 as a tip to the bartender running thepool. You told him he should have tipped at least $40. Wrong!A good rule of tipping in pools is 8 percent to 10 percent.This jerk should have tipped at least $150.As a manager of football pools, I inform players in writing ofmy gratuity policy. I then deduct that amount before paying offwinners.My responsibility to collect, insure and disburse all winningsmerits an appropriate tip. I guarantee you that if I misplaced themoney, no winner would forgive me or forget.Winners used to stiff me, but now ITAKE MY TIPDear Tipped: I got several letters reminding me about tippingetiquette.One reader, however, tossed his wet blanket on the issue bylisting all the gambling laws that players and pool organizers arebreaking. This reader told me: "Zazz, you should have told thatletter-writer to seek help for his gambling problem, rather thanaddress the amount of his gratuity."I won't accuse every office pool player of having a gamblingproblem. And people are going to play no matter what advice I give.So if you're going to play, and you win, you've got to tip correctly- and everyone who contacted me said the appropriate range is 8percent to 10 percent.Attention, vegetarians: On summer vacations, most of us can pullinto a McDonald's, Wendy's or other meat-slab road stop to fuel up.But if you're a vegetarian, your options are more limited.The Vegetarian Resource Group, a nonprofit educationalorganization, is offering a free brochure, "Vegetarian Vacations,"for vegetarians (who don't eat meat, fish or fowl) and vegans (who donot eat any animal products, including eggs, milk, etc.).The brochure lists restaurants and inns nationwide and evensuggests camps for kids who are vegetarians.Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope with two first-classstamps to the Vegetarian Resource Group, Box 1463, Baltimore, Md.21203.Write Zazz Box 3455, Chicago 60654. Or call Zazz's hotline,(312) 321-2003.